Discouraged

I have really been feeling discouraged the past couple of days. For the past two weeks, I have expected to hear something, anything about court dates, yet every Friday night I go to sleep completely bummed. I am really starting to feel like we were passed over and our file is lost somewhere in Ethiopia and we aren't going to have a court date at all, ever. It's the most horrible feeling to truly feel like I will never get to hold my son. Although my head still tells me that God's timing is perfect and that James is not my child, but the Lord's, my heart is aching with longing to kiss his sweet face.

Beyond that, I am going crazy with not being able to plan my life. With 2 doctors in the house, we usually have a pretty good idea of what will happen at least a month in advance, or else we'd end up both being on call and having no kid coverage. So not knowing if we'll be travelling half way around the world 2 weeks from now is really killing me. And if I'm not in Ehtiopia, I'd really like to go meet my new nephew shortly after he's born!